By Mark to Shameless
September 16, 2007 @ 7:07 pm
American Kids: Move out when they’re 18 with the full support of their parents.
Italian Kids: Move out when they’re 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married …. unless there’s room in the basement for the newlyweds.
American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
Italian Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry or rearrange the furniture.
American Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
Italian Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the fruit trees. And if there are no fruit trees, he will plant some!
American Parents:You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.
Italian Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight …. plus they get fed.
American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.
Italian Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad’s or uncle’s phone number to get it done …. cash deal, knowwhatImean?
American Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get only cake and coffee, no more.
Italian Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get antipasto, a few bottles of wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner drinks …. time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.
American Kids: Think that being Italian is a great thing.
Italian Kids: Know that being Italian is a great thing.
American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.
Italian Kids: Are the reason you have no food.
American Kids: Will say ‘hello”.
Italian Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, pinch your cheeks, and pat you on the back.
American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Italian Kids: Call your parents Mom and Dad.
American Kids: Have never seen you cry.
Italian Kids: Cry with you.
American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
Italian Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.
American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
Italian Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
American Kids: Know a few things about you.
Italian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
American Kids: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
Italian Kids: Will kick the whole crowds’ ass that left you.
American Kids: Would knock on your door.
Italian Kids: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”
American Kids: Are for a while.
Italian Kids: Are for life.
American Kids: Will ignore this.
Italian Kids: Will forward this.
By Mark to Jim & Ray Approved
May 28, 2007 @ 1:15 pm
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…
GUTS -
Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS -
Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death
By Mark to Turner's Corner
April 10, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal
effects.
He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ License plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk .
Naturally…I assumed you had stolen the car.”
By Mark to Friends
April 9, 2007 @ 4:37 pm
#10…A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9…You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8…It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7…Foursomes are encouraged.
#6…You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5…Three times a day is possible.
#4…Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3…If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.
#2…You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
And the number one reason why golf is better than sex…..
#1…If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!
By Mark to Turner's Corner
January 27, 2007 @ 11:50 am
A Greek and an Italian were discussing who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, “Well, we have the Parthenon, you know.”
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.”
The Italian nods agreement, but says, “But we built the Roman Empire!”
And so on and so on, until the Greek comes up with what he is sure will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says: “We Greeks invented sex!”
The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly: “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.
By Mark to Jim & Ray Approved
January 12, 2007 @ 5:19 pm
